I had been screaming for years but those screams were silent. They were silent because I wouldn’t let anyone around me hear them. I was dying inside and I had no idea in the world why. Before I had tried that first line of Percocet I was always drawn back. In school as far back as I could remember I was always different. I never wanted to participate in school activities such as field trips or even group experiments in science class. I always thought for some reason I wasn’t good enough and became embarrassed easily over silly things. Maybe I was shy or maybe I was just socially awkward. I never tried to figure it out when I was young, I just thought that is how I would always be…. I would express myself through my poetry. I would let people read my poems on occasion but I kept the dark ones to myself. Often I would write about ending my own life and what it would feel like. Maybe if I would have told someone it could have changed the outcome…. Maybe it wouldn’t have changed a thing… Maybe I should have screamed so they could hear me….

Silent Screams

Silence is the Most Powerful Scream

Anonymous

The First Night

Alone… Thinking of that word today I can still remember how I felt. Alone…. Just an empty hollow shell where my heart and soul used to be. I couldn’t think about my daughter and the fact I was breaking her heart and stealing her innocence. I couldn’t think of my mother and all of her sleepless nights she had already lied awake worrying about me. I knew my sleepless nights were coming. I knew the sickness was going to take over and the only thing I could think of was getting another fix even though I knew I had finally ruined my life and this time for good….

Shaking, Crying, Hurting and sick. This is where I began my journey… My journey to love myself again…. My eyes finally opened for the first time in a long time on a cool Cement floor in a jail cell. I was alone, no parents, my child was no longer by my side and everyone who I thought was a friend were no where in sight… I was alone with the one person I had been fighting to get away from… Myself.

via Shaking, Crying, Hurting and sick. This is where I began my journey… My journey to love myself again…. My eyes finally opened for the first time in a long time on a cool Cement floor in a jail cell. I was alone, no parents, my child was no longer by my side and everyone who I thought was a friend were no where in sight… I was alone with the one person I had been fighting to get away from… Myself.